Y Este Cuerpecito

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First off mil gracias for all the love, concern, emails, etc.

The good news is rent is paid for the month (and maybe even for next month), the children have food, the electricity isn’t gonna get shut off anymore and my phone is working.

I still have to pay my gas bill pero I have the funds to do that, just haven’t done it yet cuz well my body and soul are tired.

As I was thinking about this latest crisis, I was thinking of how much my body, heart, and soul have been through over the last months. The deaths of two loved ones. The critical illness of another. Heartbreak and drama, partially via my own hand, and struggling to make it all work while saying yes yes yes to a million projects that I don’t get paid for pero I do porque it’s what I do, I help, I listen, I take care pero I don’t always take such good care of myself.
And these last few months, between internet drama, the AMC, Netroots Nation, and this latest survival shit, I have become much more aware of how poorly I take care of myself. So I’m gonna try and be a little easier on my body and soul and it’s a theme that has come up alot recently with other mamis I have been talking with. How do we do this in community? How do make outselves not check up on each other pero make each other check ourselves. Stop. How are you feeling? What hurts? What is troubling you? What is blocking you?

The other day in an email conversation with some mamis the idea came to me of videos, video check ins, loving reminders for ourselves to tale care of ourselves a little better. This could mean checking what we are eating, how we are sleeping, are we creating (not working- creating there is a difference- the four fragments of poetry staring me down now keep reminding me. Maybe we just need a good orgasm (seriously don’t underestimate what this can do for your mood).

I don’t want to give myself another project pero it’s an idea I have that I will get to eventually.

For now, I need to finish my laundry and return some of the beautiful emails from so many of my hermanas that are sitting in my inbox.

besos
xoxo
M.

4 Comments

  1. girl, i don’t think you should even make a project out of it. just stop. just stop. just. stop. and hold your aching body. love it and kiss and and bathe it and oil it. just for a few minutes if that’s all you can do at first. no responsibility to go back and show others how you are doing it, no responsibility.

    you owe nothing to anybody–for just a minute. let yourself experience that. you owe nothing to nobody–not other mamis, not your kids, not the ’cause’–nothing.

    there is only you, and your breath. for just these few minutes.

    and when YOU are ready–you can go from there. but only on YOUR time and when YOU are ready. xoxo

  2. ja ja you’re right mujer. I have this thing, that I have to make everything into a project cuz it can’t ever just be about me. No it has to be about movement building etc and then I end up feeling bad cuz I can’t do the 10 million projects I want to do. Grr.

    Yeah. I have a responsibility to myself first no?

    Gracias for the reminder mujer.

  3. Just figured that which BFP is referring to:
    “you owe nothing to anybody”
    It feels good. Real good. Con eso, todavia hay un infinito de amor a mis amores y a la justicia.
    Glad to hear things are looking good en tu corazon, con tu cuerpesito y tu, TU.

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