I need to write some more in depth posts pero I’m really feeling not so hot emotionally right now. I’ve started the posts pero don’t know how to continue.
Mira, I don’t want to come off as a malagradecida pero it is emotionally taxing coming to mainstream events, even those that bill themselves as progressive. I had to deal with my annual attack by a man of color which then sets off some really not good feelings on space and safety and support. Add to that mix tokenizing by people who allegedly are my colleagues and allies pero can’t be bothered to properly link, mention url names, and exclude people from panels as a way to punish people for their outspokeness and you end up with an unhappy mala.
It’s interesting for me to compare this experience from experiences at the Allied Media Conference for example, where things weren’t always easy pero if I needed a shoulder to cry on just to release from all the frustrations, I could find one. Here, not so much. There is no circle of sanity here like there was in Detroit which had it’s owned gendered and personal dynamics. I was verbally attacked here at NN09 by another Latino blogger and am disliking the politics of erasing people on multiple levels, personal and political, that I have been confronted with. There was one moment today that I considered just going home early.
I will write more and get into a few things in more depth pero now I’m just tired and will try and sleep. Tomorrow is the Latino caucus and a kiss in! I haven’t been kissed yet at this conference/convention, motivention so that could be a good thing.
Pucker up baby and kiss it
Mamita,
I will give you a virtual hug.
I love your blog and I love you!!
You are and always have been, Very Wise!!!
xxx ooo
Dee
Mamita,
I’ve read your posts here and at VivirLatino, and I’m sorry you had to deal with such an aggressive ass. It’s disgusting. Could you tell us who this person is? That sh*t isn’t cool at all, especially since this is a repeated occurance. And it’s extra wack that it’s a man of color using his gender to intimidate, particularly in that space.
I wish we connected more at the conference. I’m glad we met the first day but would have loved to have more conversations about the space with you. Now that I’m back and processing, I’m feeling the drain.
I look forward to more thoughts from NN09 from you, and send you hugs.
xoxo,
jaz
Gracias Dee for the abrazos, which are always welcome.
Jaz, it was so nice to meet you. At these types of events it’s always so hard to balance meeting everyone you want to sit with and taking care of yourself. I’m still really exhausted from the NN09 and dealing with the aftermath of being outspoken and then having that used against you. That means no rest really! ja.
I think I haven’t pointed who this person is because I’m waiting to see if it’s worth it or not. I’m not reading his blog to see if he wrote anything or posted his video pero for me, more important that who he is, I think, is how do we as community work on stuff like this. What do we do when things like this happen? Do we silence? Do we tokenize? Do we take the experience and use it for our own personal agendas? What’s the line between personal and public/political space?
Mala
hey Mala, not to drudge up old business but i took so long to respond b/c you asked some questions that for me being relatively new to the blogosphere had to chew on. i saw the video and actually hung out with the person. ironic? weird. i dunno. i can see why you felt attacked. i think he was very insensitive. it made me question online identity vs. offline identity. shouldn’t they ideally be the same? what about multiple online identities that represent you in different ways? either way, saying that you’re “ghettoizing” and thus cheapening the landscape is fairly accusatory.
i don’t know if there is a line on the interwebs between personal and public space. bloggers have to accept that people will criticize…but being ridiculed for who you are is something else. i would have been upset too. i feel like everything we post is fair game for criticism, people always are gonna have some problems with things we do/say/feel. The internet seems to amplify that. I don’t know what your struggles have been in terms of battling being outspoken in these spaces. Is that in the sessions or because of holes in truly “diverse” panels?
i think it started off a a fundamental disagreement of approaches to the blogosphere. perhaps he sincerely felt that his level of criticism was helpful. but making fun of you being mad is antagonistic and doesn’t help drive any concrete discussion between two.
i dunno what should happen when these situations arise. live and let live? agree to disagree?
i’m interested in your thoughts. i wish i had more concrete thoughts on this.
Not old business mujer. How we relate to each other in different spheres of reality is always current/now.
I know lot’s of people hung out with the person in question and it’s not my place to judge that. Although I will be honest with you and with all that read this. After the incident in question and on the last night of Netroots Nation, I was really hurt to see some peeps with whom I deal with online and who knew what went down, posing happily and taking pictures como si na.
I don’t think online identity is always the same as in real life identity. I think it should be though or at the very least a part of your identity since identity is not static and can shift based on multiple factors.
Pero for people who know me, really know me, they have always said that how I present myself online is how I really am, from the way I speak, act etc.
I don’t mind criticism. We need criticism. We need peeps to say hey step back a little. Pero there is a difference between criticizing a politic and a person. You can say I disagree with you use of language. When you say that and say that I reind people that I am Rican as a problem, when you make fun of my body language right in front of me, and when you make some arguements that show that you have never really read my fucking work in depth, then you are attacking to attack. The funny thing is I can understand where the person in question is coming from on alot of issues. Pero the way he approached me in both onlie and real life space has made me have zero interest in even trying to find common ground. The additional painting of my raising these issues as something out of stereotypical protagonista de novela script, further backs my claim that I think the person in question has issues in terms of how he deals with women.
Whenever I have entered these so called liberal/progrsive spaces, I have been attacked and as someone I was talking with the other day reminded me, as an outspoken mujer, I deal with these things on a daily basis. I think the fact that they happen, with little wider analysis, in these spaces, over and over again, not just to me pero to so many rwoc (ever wonder why others don’t participate in these spaces), is angering and painful.
I don’t know if that answers your questions or not, pero lately, especially since I have had to deal with alot of fucking tokenizing and denial of agency has been just to cut people off. Not work with them because it is a waste of my resources and skills.
Harsh? yup.
Radical?
Most def